I thought I would not have much to say to you, but it turns out, I was wrong. It seems I don’t quite know as much as I think I do about us.
See, I thought I knew you, the kind of person you were, but you are nothing like I anticipated. A part of me is still being blind to that, but it’s true. You are not the pig-headed buffoon who tussles with me every day for control. You are not the manipulative, arrogant, ignorant bastard that I expected. You are not like him, you know, the One-Who-Had-to-Go.
I wake up every morning, mentally tying my wrapper and adjusting my blouse ready to pounce at the slightest provocation, but you come waving a white flag and bearing the warmest hugs. Your eyes, they disarm me, and your smile, it tells me to lay down my arms, because there is no need or room for war. You don’t fight me, even when I’m spoiling for it. You love me with every breath you take, and everything you do. And this is not something you had to tell me; your actions and very being speak louder than a thousand words. You loved me until I put down my weapons and took down every piece of brick in my wall with my own hands.
I panic sometimes. I am afraid. I keep thinking I will wake up and that old monster will reappear before me. Other times, I think maybe you’re too good to be true, you couldn’t possibly be true. I lash out and try you, but you stay. Patient through my tantrums and anxiety attacks. Leaving me be or holding me close till I can breathe again.
I am a whole new person on account of you. I am better in ways I didn’t think possible, because of you. Your love is healing all my damage and putting together my broken pieces. And I know I sit and act like all that you bear for me is my birthright, but it’s not. They’re not.
So this is my thank you. For every hurdle you’ve jumped, every tear you’ve wiped, and every prayer you’ve said. You continue to exceed expectations I did not even know I had. Others respect me more because of you. You are a dream, even though you were not obvious from the start. You’re the “best thing I never knew I needed.”
And now, I think I have done enough “what-ifing”, and wondering, and cowering behind fear and hurt. I have let damage rule long enough.
Dear One-Who-Wants-to-Stay, it is such an honor to be cared for, to be looked at the way you look at me, and I apologise for all the times I took it for granted. It’s time to return the honor, to give you back love the way you’ve given me. I could make you promises of earth-moving and mountain climbing love but I won’t. I’ll just take one day at a time, trying to mirror your actions. I will tell you this though, you will no longer be the One-Who-Wants-to-Stay. You are now, simply, The One.
Please, stay with me.