Tag Archives: marriage

20Feb/16

Dear Son #LettersOfTheHeart

Dear Son,

My daughter is head-over-heels in love with you so you are family. You are son.
You may be surprised I chose to write you… It is because I love you… and my daughter.
There are a lot of things I want to say to you and as you will get to know as we go on son, I’m not exactly the memory master in some things so I thought the earlier I started saying them, the better.

I want to be your mom – not like I want to take the place of your mother. I don’t want you to see me as your wife’s mother but the mother of the both of you. I don’t want to be formal with you, I want to talk to you for hours, just making jokes and teasing.

Son, I give my daughter to you because I trust that you’ll treat her like her father does me – like royalty.
I raised a Queen.
I give her to you because I see that you’re a King.

Son, I know your wife is as fragile as she’s strong. She’s perfected concealing her weaknesses and flaunting her strengths but once in a while, she’s bound to crash under the weight of her imperfections. Please, in those times, help remind her that she is strong not because she does not have weaknesses but because she has a leash on them.

I solemnly vow never to poke my nose in your matters if you don’t ask that I do so, if I ever do so without invitation, please feel completely free and confident enough to smack it out!
It’s your marriage, it’s your life.

I know she won’t tell you so I will – my baby girl loves surprises – she inherited it from me – so, spring up a few sometimes. This will be one of the best advice I can give you on how to get whatever you want of her.

Chide her. Correct her. Be mad at her. Never yell at her, never raise your hands against her- NEVER! I tell my sons these.
You are ROYALTY!
Pamper her. Pray for her. Spoil her.
Love her like your own life.

Love & Grace,
Mom

P. S: your wife will want two kids… I want twin grandchildren… I trust you and God to make that happen! ;););)

14Feb/16

Dear Amanda #LettersOfTheHeart

Some people are beautiful, not in looks, not in what they say, just in what they are.

Dear Amanda,

It’s been a while I wrote you a letter, not since you made me write you letters in Yoruba. The effort put into those words is enough for a 100 letters and that’s probably why you’re just now receiving another letter from me.

I had long learned to write down words my heart really wanted to say which my lips couldn’t utter and today I share those words with you. Some of the words are in pictures and even though they are not words I wrote, I have kept them (some for over 5 years) because they expressed what was in my heart aptly at the times I saw them. They gave voice to my very deep thoughts and emotions.

Once upon a cold December morning, I saw you for maybe the 100th time; a graceful young lady who until that moment was just another girl I saw around. But that morning, something was different. You were like a diamond, glittering and catching my attention everywhere I turned. I got hooked forever. Or not.

pic1

Your beauty was simple yet ravishing, your carriage relaxed yet confident and your character gentle yet captivating. You became the dream, the mission was clear.

 

 

In retrospect, the lines below should have been my first line to you. You know I have wished severally that I could meet you for the first time all over again so I can say these words to you;

pic2

 

 

 

 

 

Anyone who’s ever fallen in love would know that expressions are really hard when you’re truly in love but I tried to express myself every way I could, sometimes the expressions were successful, at other times, they were woeful.

pic4

It was like we were in a maze; seeking to love and seeking to be loved but unable to meet those needs. I couldn’t understand why. Loving could be so simply complicated

 

 

I loved that you were different but I tried in vain to fully understand the thought pattern of women

pic5

 

 

 

 

This is the best way I could describe it. It was like I fell in love with a beautiful flower in full bloom with petals soft and tall like the Iroko tree, smelling like vanilla chocolate but was not really chocolate because it was made of flour and it wasn’t actually a flower.

Yeah, I was that confused.

The many little pretty things you did had taken up all of my heart. You say I taught you to give but I don’t know how true that is ’cause I know you are a black belt in giving. When life puts several hundred miles between us, I like that you were always ready to give me several hours of your days on end in phone conversations; that’s one of the little things that filled up my heart.

pic91

Like music stopping in the middle of a dance, the fire burned out. They say we forgot to stoke the fire. I asked how we were supposed to stoke the fire of love and there were a hundred responses but no answer.

 

We had to find our own answers. It took a while but we found our answer, and yeah baby, I chose you yesterday, I choose you today and I will choose you for the next thousand, thousand tomorrows.

pic9

 

We found our rhythym, you began to laugh like me and I could anticipate your next sigh, I knew when you were unsure and you could hear all the words I chose not to say. A steady fire had ignited in us both.

 

“Oh, I think that I’ve found myself a cheerleader
She is always right there when I need her

She gives me love and affection
Baby, did I mention
You’re the only girl for me
No, I don’t need a next one
Mama loves you too
She thinks I made the right selection
Now all that’s left to do
Is just for me to …”

(Cheerleader -Omi)

Some people are beautiful, in looks, in what they say, and in what they are. You my lover are beautiful

pic93

05Feb/16

DEAR DAUGHTER IN-LOVE #LETTERSOFTHEHEART

A letter to my son’s wife on her wedding day.

My beautiful daughter,

I am so blessed to receive you into our home. Since before my son was born, I dreamed of the lady who would one day win his heart and be the mother of his children. You are an answer to my many many prayers. During my childbearing years, I always longed to have a daughter, however, God blessed our home with three wonderful sons. Your coming into our home is my long-awaited answer to that prayer.

I want you to know that we love and respect you. When we give you our son today, we will not take him back. He is yours and yours for life. Our family doesn’t believe in divorce nor will we ever support the break up of your home, regardless of the cause. We will not interfere in the affairs of your home, however, we will always be available should you need guidance or a sounding board.

By the Grace of God, we believe that we raised our son to be a good husband and father. We trained him to always respect women and to be a Godly example. Should he misbehave in any way, know that you can come to us and we will be happy to set him straight, without taking sides. We are committed to the success of your home. While we avail ourselves to you, please know that the truest source of strength and wisdom that you need as a wife is found only in God. I urge you to develop your relationship with Him further and seek Him for daily guidance. The power of prayer cannot be overemphasized.

I learned a lot from my Mother in Love and have a very good relationship with her. I sincerely hope that with time, you will grow to love me like I love her and that we will have a beautiful relationship.

Please take good care of my son. He is now your responsibility and no longer mine. He is a gentle and caring soul and needs to be handled with care. If you need any tips on how to get through to him, I’m always available to share with you all that I know.

He will love you more than he loves me and I’m ready to accept that. I want to see him further develop into the great man that he is called to be. Please be faithful to him, protect his heart and give him all of your love. He has been mine for so many years. I have done my best as a mother to raise him, but today, I hand him over to you. He is now yours to love, cherish, nurture and protect. He is the best gift I have to give. He is the product of my life’s work and prayers. May God grant you wisdom to cherish him, even more than his father and I have.

God bless you as you start this new journey, one that will last a lifetime. Congratulations on your marriage and may you experience all of the joys that come with marrying the love of your life.

With love and sincerity,

Laurie Idahosa

Your husband’s mother

@IdahosaLaurie

www.laurieidahosa.com

17Dec/15

7 Things I’d Consider Before Asking Seyi Shay To Marry Me

Before we get started, I have to make two things clear.

  1. This article is not really about Seyi Shay.
  2. In spite of what you may believe, I have a shot with Seyi Shay.

Now we have those clear, let’s move on.

Seyi Shay like most superstars of her caliber are considered the most eligible bachelorettes any guy could have. This may be right for a lot of guys but maybe not every guy. Maybe not Lord Josh. It’s not a slam dunk, I’ll still have to consider a lot.

Here are 7 things I’d consider before giving Seyi the ring.

Continue reading

09Dec/15

To hear him say I LOVE YOU

“Mom, you can’t just leave! The party is for you and Dad.”

I ignored Deola and headed for my car.

“Mommy, come on.” Tunde joined Deola. “You guys have been married for thirty six years, can’t you just let this slide?”

I kept my eyes on the road. Even if I wanted to stop, I couldn’t now. I did not want them to see the tears in my eyes. My children always thought their mother was tough. I was not ready to blow that cover after thirty five years.

“Mommy, how about Debola and Dunsin? What do I tell them happened to their grandma?” Tunde said and I stopped.

I loved my children but I adored my grandchildren. I considered wiping my tears and going back to the party. I shook my head, it wasn’t worth it. I resumed my march to the car.

“Glory.” I heard his voice call my name. “I love you.”

I wanted to go on but I couldn’t. I stopped and began to sob. Aloud.

***

EARLIER THAT DAY

I love parties. At least I used to love them. My husband and I attended a lot of parties in our day, it seemed like ‘our day’ was long gone now. But it was Christmas and my children – Tunde and Deola had planned a special party was us. My old party instincts kicked in and I was up early to get some things ready.

“Where are you going so early?” My husband stirred on the bed.

“The party is today. Remember?”

“What party?”

“Our Christmas party, the one our children are throwing us.”

“That was today?”

I did not respond. I left the room and very soon was lost in preparations. A few hours later, the kids arrived.

“Where is Dad?” Deola asked.

“I’m not sure. Have you checked the room?”

“No, I’ll just see him later. I can’t believe you have been married for thirty six years.” She said.

“You better believe it.”

“Thirty six years is a long time.”

“Well, when you are committed to somebody, it doesn’t matter how long it is, you’ll stay.”

“The power of love.”

“Love? That’s minor. It’s the commitment that counts. The things you people call love – dates, flowers, all that rubbish is not what matters. Your father has not taken me out since our first wedding anniversary but still I’m here.”

“What! Really?”

“Yeah, that stuff doesn’t matter.” I said. Was I being truthful?

We continued our work in silence. A few minutes later my husband walked into the kitchen looking cross.

“What’s the problem?” I asked.

“Do you know what time it is?”

“No, what time is it?”

“I’ve been waiting for my breakfast for hours. Are you planning to starve me?”

“Come on Dad.” Deola said. “We have been busy. The party starts in a few hours.”

“Maybe he has forgotten about the party already.” I said and went back to my work.

Deola ushered him out of the kitchen and promised him food in five minutes. He was so selfish. He did not even care that I was doing a lot of work, all he wanted was his food. A strange longing coursed through me. Maybe I wanted more than commitment.

***

A FEW MINUTES TO THE PARTY.

“We have sewed this agbada for weeks, why are you doing like this?” I looked at my husband, ashamed of the terrible thoughts going through my mind.

“Look Glory, you know that I don’t wear anko. All the years of our marriage we never wore the same material, why will we start now?” He said.

“I didn’t pick the clothes, the children did. Won’t you just do this to make the children happy?”

“The children…anytime you want to get your way, you always invoke the children.”

“Why won’t I invoke the children when you seem to care about them more than you do me?”

He paused. “That’s not true. Why will I still be married to you if I don’t care about you?”

I wanted opened my mouth to reply him but I changed my mind. I spread the agbada on the bed.

“That’s it on the bed but if you insist you won’t wear it, the blue one is in the wardrobe.” I said and walked out of the room.

The party was already starting outside. Deola saw me and came over.

“We are waiting for you and Dad.” She said.

“We will be with you soon.”

She was about walking away when I saw her ring finger.

“You changed your ring?” I asked.

She smiled and said. “Yeah I did. Bayo bought me another one. Did a lot of drama when giving it to me, it was beautiful.”

“I’m sure it was. When did this happen?”

“Our seventh anniversary.”

I sighed and looked away.

“Are you okay mom?” Deola asked.

“Yes, I am. I’ll go get your father. Tell Tunde and his wife, we will be with you soon.”

She nodded and walked away but I stayed where I was. I tried to empty my mind of all the negative thoughts that were flowing through it. I had to be happy today, at least for the children. I heard a sound behind me and turned around to see my husband. He wore the blue agbada.

“I can’t believe you did not wear the clothe they made for us.” I said.

“We have talked about this already. Let’s just go for the party.” He said.

“Why?” I asked.

“Why? You are the one who has been talking about this party all day. Why are you asking why we are going?”

“I know why I’m going, why are you going?”

He looked at me confused.

“This party is celebrating us a couple. Are we a couple?” I asked.

“Glory, please don’t do this. The children are waiting.”

“The children? That’s what this is about for you? The children?”

“We have been married for over three decades, of course it’s not just about the children.”

“What is it then? You love me?”

He laughed. “We are already knocking on the doors of seventy. Is it now we will be doing lovey lovey?

I shook my head and stormed into the bedroom. I removed my gele and dropped my bag. I picked my purse and the car keys and left the room.

“What happened to your head tie?” My husband said when he saw me. “Where are you going?”

“What do you care? You children are there, go and have your party with them.”

“This party is about us. If you’re not there, we can’t have the party.”

I stopped and faced him.

“Remember how I asked you to let us renew our vows after our tenth anniversary? Hold a little ceremony?”

“Yes. I did not agree and see, twenty six years later and we are still together.”

“Deola showed me her new ring today, she got it for their seventh anniversary.”

“You think her husband loves her more than I love you because he got her a ring?”

“You don’t get it, do you?”

I turned away from him and walked out.

***

BACK TO THE PRESENT

“Mommy, how about Debola and Dunsin? What do I tell them happened to their grandma?” Tunde said

I continued my march to the car.

“Glory.” I heard his voice call my name. “Please don’t go, I love you.”

I wanted to go on but I couldn’t. I stopped and began to sob. Aloud. My husband had not told me he loved me in thirty years.

He walked to me and held me.

“I’m sorry Glory.”

I leaned unto his shoulder, it was a great feeling to be held again. I did not know how much I missed it.

“I love you, as much as I did thirty six years ago.”

“And it took you all these years say so?”

“I thought you knew.”

“I knew but I wanted to hear it from you.”

“How about we use this Christmas party to renew our vows?”

I smiled. “Does it mean, I’ll get a new ring too?”

“Well yeah, you’ll have one before the end of the day.”

“Does it also mean we will wear our anko?”

He laughed. “Yeah.”

“Are you serious?”

“No. I really don’t like that stuff.”

“I guess, I can compromise on that.”

“I love you, a lot.”

“I love you a lot too.”

I didn’t care for much for the ceremony or the ring – I was a grandmother for crying out loud. I was just glad to hear my husband tell me he loves me again. It was the best Christmas gift I could ever get.