Daddy said I should write you Continue reading
Daddy said I should write you Continue reading
Iya mi! Mamma mia! Sweetest mother! Iya rere! Mrs O.J of life! The one who sat and watched my “Big fat head”. You who nursed me from infancy to adulthood (basically). I salute you ma mere!
Fear not, all these greetings come with absolutely no strings attached. I just said I should just greet you oh. You know, I don’t tell you I love you enough. Even though I sneak in some hugs once in a while and do the occasional Facebook ‘tribute’ or send you kissy face emojis on WhatsApp or find little ways to show my appreciation, it still doesn’t do any justice. Not one bit.
I’m using this as an opportunity to tell you again that I love you mum. More than ever, I realize how lucky I am to have you in my life. I don’t take it for granted. I absolutely cherish this relationship we have. Remember that Facebook post where I described you as,
Minister of God
Part Margaret Thatcher
Part Mother Theresa”
And Jane quickly agreed with me on the Margaret Thatcher part because you cannot stand mediocrity or indiscipline. That part I definitely witnessed back in the days. I mean, all those times I thought, “Did I really come out of this woman’s womb? Why does she beat me like this? She should just kuku come and kill me now.” How can I forget the biblical admonition that was always sure to follow a good thrashing, you know to balance the discipline?
Of course I remember more than the discipline (all of which was because you love me). I remember the nice treats and the fun trips and of course all the fun we still have now.
My Numero uno fashion icon, beautiful woman with great taste (thank goodness we wear the same shoe size 😉 ). You are my prayer warrior and pillar of support. Abraham Lincoln said, “I remember my mother’s prayers and they have clung to me all my life.” I agree with him.
I know how to be a loving supportive wife from watching all those acts of love you showed to your husband when he was alive. And even now that he’s gone you have remained strong for us your children. How do you do it? Divide yourself amongst all the responsibilities you have? You are indeed a marvel.
I promise to love you always. Even when you decide to change the TV station to Zee world or Telemundo. (I’ve given up rights to the remote control anyways.) I love you when you communicate with your face without saying a word. I love when your suggestions are a way of telling me you want something done. I love when you send your power combo emojis on WhatsApp. I love you when you are all up in my business (it’s for a good cause).
Thank you for always having my back. I pray you live long to enjoy the fruits of all your labour of love. I love you wholeheartedly.
Your daughter and friend,
I have dreamed about you
I long for your companionship and embrace;
oh I long to be held and not feel guilty about it
My passion, my joy,
I can’t wait to talk with you about my active mind,
my feelings and intentions
I love you already because although you complete me, you are the better part of me and the lines of our puzzle completely disappear at our oneness
You are a gift to me! One I can never part with
You know for certain when I am uncertain
You calm my nerves with your gentleness
You help me see the best in everyone and everything
You remind me of my love for God because you love Him more completely than anyone I know
My leader, my head, my heart, my precious gift
I am eternally grateful to God for giving you to me
I saw you today, it’s been a while and though I can’t sincerely say I missed you, my life has been beautiful; my job, my school, David proposed to me.
You came over today to tell me about your new shop, you seemed very excited about it, you said it was the best you have ever had, it was big, it had basic facilities, enough parking space and it was at a strategic location for your business. It was barely 30 minutes from where I live; “now I can get to check on my baby” were the words you said.
I looked into your beautiful eyes momma, they are smaller now, duller than I remember, where’s that light I used to see in them? Your smile is thinner too. I looked at your face and all I could see staring back at me were tired eyes, thin smiles and wrinkles of a thousand worries.
I stood up to get you a drink and fix you a meal because it was all too much for me to bear, but when I stared back at you sitting on my couch, your back was a little bent momma, you looked small and tired, all broke inside me momma! How did all these years pass and I wasn’t there?
“I took a loan” you said, “oh Sara, this will be big, I can feel it, it’ll be a new life for us, I’ll be able to take care of myself, have some savings and take care of you darling”
I cried after you left momma.
All those years I watched you fight for me, you were all I had and I loved you, I wanted to protect you from the world, from the likes of my father whom I never knew. Those nights I wept because I couldn’t protect you, I watched all those men come into your life only to leave. I wanted you to see yourself as the hero I saw. You didn’t, you broke each time they left, but u loved me still.
Time passed and all that love I felt turned to anger; I was angry with you for not being all that you could be, I was ashamed of you momma. I saw you as weak and I hated it, I wanted to run away.
I moved out when I went away to college, oh momma! So long has it been since I looked at you with love. I’m sorry that you still have to be starting over, I’m sorry I turned away momma, no one taught you to love yourself or that you deserve to be cared for.
I can’t get back those years momma, but if you let me, I’ll love you the right way, let me take care of you.
Let me love you this Valentine and ever after.
Dear Future Husband,
I thought I would be nervous when writing this to you but it’s much easier than I thought. Sometimes I wish my life were a movie, and that there could be a spilt screen, just so I could check in and see what you’re up to. Sometimes I wonder if we are connected by some forces stronger than us. I am looking forward to a life of commitment and a happiness with you, I’m not unrealistic that we won’t have any problems or difficulties. Those will be the growing times when our love and commitment will be tested, and we will emerge stronger, wiser and more deeply in love.
We are meant for each other. That is so awesome to me! I can hardly wait to meet you, but I know I have to be patient. Until then, I can think about you, pray for you and hope that you are thinking about me and praying for me, too.
I want to love you. And, I want you to love me. I want to be cherished, to be the most important person in your life, to be your most intimate friend. I want your tenderness and your affection, your kindness and your strength. I want to be there for you when you feel happy and on top of the world. I want you to feel safe with me and never to be ashamed to talk about your fears and weaknesses. I want to be your wife, and you my husband. Neither of us will be the perfect spouse, but we strive to please God and to do his will. I want you to treat me like the queen I am, so I can treat you like the king you are.
I’m so glad that I won’t know where or when I would meet you, if I haven’t yet. I really don’t think I have, but who knows? I wonder if we were ever at the same place at the same time, if you were ever in the background of my pictures. It would be pretty cool if we had crossed paths already somehow without realizing it.
Don’t feel pressured by this letter. Like I said, I don’t know when I would want to meet you. What I do know is that someday I will meet you, and I will love you absolutely with every single thing I have inside me. I’m not promising to be the perfect wife but you won’t regret falling in love with me. I can promise to appreciate and admire every quirk about you. When you are sad, having a bad day, or angry, I will do everything in my power to make you smile.
So why in the world am I telling you all this? Because you are in my mind. I do think about you a lot. You are so important to me. Our future is important to me. That’s why all this matters.
I hope that you’ll let me tell you all the things I love about you, every single day, and never get sick of hearing it. You’ll realize am not like other girls that I think spending money on expensive clothes is about as important as today’s obsession with Miley Cyrus.
What will draw me to you, more than anything else, however is your love of God, through the failures and the triumphs, through the laughter and the tears, will only increase my love for you. So please continue to be patient and wait for me.
After reading this short letter, future husband, I hope you now understand why I wrote this for you, so you will see my heart. It beats for you. It will always beat for you. I really do exist. Please wait for me. I am waiting for you.
Your future wife.
So it is true what they say; two opposite sex cannot effectively be ‘no-strings-attached best friends’. They’d either both realize they are in love with each other or one of them would fall into a one-sided love. Even though I didn’t quite believe that analogy, I never knew I would fall into the latter category. But I did! I fell hard and fast.
Falling in love with you was so easy; how could I not fall in love with you? You were always there, ready to listen to me, ready to laugh with me, ready to hold me against your chest and wipe my face as I cry, ready to tell me the truth always even when I am being stupid, ready to defend me in public and cover-up my shortcomings, ready to provide your shoulder to lean on, ready to pick me up when I fall flat on my face. You penetrated my heart so easily that I was surprised when I checked my heart and found you there. But sharing my heart with you was a delight for me. I wanted to make you fall in love with me just as much as I loved you, to pitch my tent in your heart and make it my abode. But when I checked-in, another was already resident in your heart.
Unaware of the status of my aching heart, you confided in me, telling me about your love for another woman when all I wanted was to hear you confess your love for me; for only me. I cried in the safety of my closet and suddenly, you were not there to wipe my tears or cry with me, you were not there to sooth the pain that you unknowingly created. I waited for the time you would come to tell me you love me, for the time you would stop seeing me as ‘just a very good friend’. But after waiting for what seems like a lifetime, I finally realize that I would never hear it. You gave me everything I ever wanted but you did not give me the one thing I craved above all else – your heart. I cannot learn to love you just as a friend, but I would try. In the meantime, I will renovate my heart and create a larger room for someone else, so that next time, I would not fall victim of a one-sided love.
Still sadly your no-strings-attached bestie
I can’t seem to remember clearly how this love story actually went because I am currently shivering with cold on the hospital bed with the hose of the drips running through my veins. I will just write it as it comes to my head.
My Love ANYTHING FOR ME?
I remember clearly now how I was walking through that dusty bush path with Bosman in that village in south west Nigeria. We both set eyes on you and your friend walking towards us from afar off and immediately I and Bosman decided to make our choice. Bosman settled for the slimmer darker one while I settled for you even though I’m not so into light skinned girls, only God knows why.
We got closer, said our ‘hello’s and ‘hi’s and from that moment on we longed to meet you both again. I and Bosman always returned to that same bush path to find out if we would be lucky enough to see you girls but to no avail until when another friend told us that he knew both of you and even where you lived. BINGO!!!!!!!!
Bosman struck it off with the slimmer darker one while I bided my time with you because I’m not the type to just jump into a relationship without first getting to know you first. I became the funny guy because it is said that “GIRLS ALWAYS FALLS FOR A GUY THAT MAKES THEM LAUGH” and it seemed to be working.
We were on our way to Lagos and that Lagbaja’s song – “anything for me” that I loved so much was blaring from the radio and that was my key to pop the question. I smiled, looked you in the eyes and asked in Lagbaja’s voice ANYTHING FOR ME? Immediately I saw the reply in your smile but you did not want to come cheap so you said you’d think about it. I asked if you needed any other thing to use in thinking since you had your brains right there with you, but you insisted on giving your reply the next time we met.
It started off, love was in the air. We became the wish of so many friends and hall mates and envy of so many others. We did so many mushy-mushy things that guys in love do but deep inside me I always felt the love was one-sided. I loved you more than you did love me. I thought love was supposed to be 50 – 50 in a relationship, alas I was totally wrong. It was never 50 – 50 not even 70 – 30 but I kept pushing it thinking that you’ll come to love me like I loved you, but it never happened.
I guess I never really got that reply that Ego gave at the end of the song but the ones she kept giving while lagbaja was patronizing her……………………….”LAGBAJA NOTHING FOR YOUUUUUUUU”
(Adetomiwa’s letter to his mom who passed a couple of decades ago)
Hope this mail meets you well.
It’s been a while babe, I’m sure you’re doing well. A lot has happened since the last time, let’s just say my whole life has changed. I’ve tried to find love similar to the one we share and I’ve recorded massive failures. I’ve taken on some weird tasks and survived the rigorous schedules. I’ve had many near death experiences, no don’t be scared, I’m still whole, body and soul. Omolola, I have lived in different places under varying conditions, but like the super hero you know, I’ve found a way to adapt and bask in them. I’m done with school now, FINALLY! I’ll soon start working and I’ll be able to take good care of you. Family members want to take graduation pictures with me, they all seem so proud of what I’ve become. Most of them say we look alike, I feel it’s an insult though, considering how beautiful you are compared to my frail looking face. Do forgive their weak attempt at paying compliments.
I saw our last picture a few minutes ago, the way I held on to your neck, our smiles could melt the sun. Now I only see you virtually, its been a long time without you. On the eve of your birthday, I told you I felt lonely all over again. I felt my strength fading, in my pursuit of happiness I think I had forgotten to live. Right now I wish I could take out time just to stop growing. I want to be the baby that I am, your baby. I want you to hug me and hold me close to your heart. I miss you babe. I want to see you so badly. How would I look like you and not be able to look at you. Its been over two decades since I last saw you. The world claims absence makes the heart grow fonder, it doesn’t explicitly explain the steps to keep the memories from fading, I’m at wit’s end on the latter. I wonder what would make you show your face. I have constantly made giant leaps, waiting earnestly on the edge of my seat, hoping that one of such grand events would feature an appearance from you. Alas, it only featured nugatory appearances from girls who are constantly striving to take your place. Never mind babe, I got you. Although I must say that with your delayed return, I have been tempted to test out a few interns to fill your position, sadly they have all dropped out. Management noticed that they lacked the amount of TLC we needed so they failed to meet up with the KPIs.
Olusola has always been my rival, an amazing one at that. He’s only lucky he met you before I did, because I have comfortably floored him in other aspects. I still keep him around though, after all, its advised that we keep our enemies closer. And then he’s my father, what can I do?
So while I await our anticipated rendezvous, I advise you to keep your eyes peeled baby girl, adjust your halo my dear angel, believe me, you wouldn’t want to miss any of this. I dust my shoes, fasten my belt and flip my cloak on, your super hero to the rescue.
My names are Oluwafemi Michael Iranloye
And I’m a Garri addict
*this is the point where all you other addicts of some sort tell me I’m welcome to the group*
I see you all looking at me and waiting for some deep touching story about how I hit rock bottom and decided to give up my addiction.
You go ‘teh’ there well well
Well, my sponsor, @LordJosh told me that a good way to overcome an addiction was to write a letter to the object of such addiction, which in my own case, is Garri, (if only he knew that I just need him to sign the damn papers)
Well, here goes…
How are you? I would say it’s been a long time, but that would just be a lie!!! I want to say well-done to you
For all you’ve been doing in the lives of Nigerians since 1645
For readily availing yourself to be a knight in shining armour in those times when we were at the point of death
For always sending us to that Xanadu when we take you with Cold water, ‘Kulikuli’, ‘epa’, ‘debino’ or Coconut
For your selfless and humble humanitarian approach towards life…
When they refused to call you ‘Cassava flakes’, did you complain? NO! You rather continued to be all we expected of you, and much more. You stayed satisfied with the names Garri, Garrium and G2SO4.
For your speed in eradicating hunger and extreme depression in the lives of unemployed Nigerian youths, baba , we throw you three ‘gbosas’
As I stand here today, I pledge…
I pledge never to look down on you when money comes, as all these ingrates have been doing over the years (big Tuale for Obasanjo)
I pledge never to place the words ‘only’, ‘just’ or ‘common’ in front of ‘Garri’ in any statement
I pledge to always use a capital ‘G’ when spelling Garri, as refusal to do so is just obvious disrespect, and I pledge to always correct people when they make this fatal mistake
I speak on behalf of myself and all my fellow Garri addicts around the world that with our fists clenched and held up high, we pledge to be devoted to the cause and pass this culture on to the next generation.
Yours Forever Undoubtedly,
……………………………… the end ………………………………………
I just want to say that it’s been awesome reading through this blog… all the people that wrote earlier… you guys are really awesome and were worth every second. And ‘LordJosh the wicked writer’ as Damilola calls you, Up You. This is really cool.
Thank you for your time
I’m still PhemieMichael
And I’m most definitely still a Garri addict
PS: Today is Phemie’s birthday! If you like his articles, if you like any of my designs (he did em all), if you are good person 😁, please drop him a birthday wish.
My daughter is head-over-heels in love with you so you are family. You are son.
You may be surprised I chose to write you… It is because I love you… and my daughter.
There are a lot of things I want to say to you and as you will get to know as we go on son, I’m not exactly the memory master in some things so I thought the earlier I started saying them, the better.
I want to be your mom – not like I want to take the place of your mother. I don’t want you to see me as your wife’s mother but the mother of the both of you. I don’t want to be formal with you, I want to talk to you for hours, just making jokes and teasing.
Son, I give my daughter to you because I trust that you’ll treat her like her father does me – like royalty.
I raised a Queen.
I give her to you because I see that you’re a King.
Son, I know your wife is as fragile as she’s strong. She’s perfected concealing her weaknesses and flaunting her strengths but once in a while, she’s bound to crash under the weight of her imperfections. Please, in those times, help remind her that she is strong not because she does not have weaknesses but because she has a leash on them.
I solemnly vow never to poke my nose in your matters if you don’t ask that I do so, if I ever do so without invitation, please feel completely free and confident enough to smack it out!
It’s your marriage, it’s your life.
I know she won’t tell you so I will – my baby girl loves surprises – she inherited it from me – so, spring up a few sometimes. This will be one of the best advice I can give you on how to get whatever you want of her.
Chide her. Correct her. Be mad at her. Never yell at her, never raise your hands against her- NEVER! I tell my sons these.
You are ROYALTY!
Pamper her. Pray for her. Spoil her.
Love her like your own life.
Love & Grace,
P. S: your wife will want two kids… I want twin grandchildren… I trust you and God to make that happen! ;););)