I noticed these guys from my first day in the University. I knew the kind of people they were from the first look and I was sure we weren’t going to be friends. You see, every department has guys like Akin, Nathaniel, Eze, Josiah, Molade and Geoffrey. They were the guys everybody loved to hate. They were good boys. They were never late to class. They never forgot to do their assignments and always reminded the lecturer to collect them at the appropriate time. They always tucked in their shirts and took motion pictures. Somehow, they always had the attention of the girls too. Even though they were lords and masters of the friend zone, they were blocking me, a guy who was interested in more than just friendship.
Well, it had gone on too long and I was determined to let them have it. And our seminar presentations was the perfect occasion.
Naturally, they were all in the same group. (Why wouldn’t they spread their intelligence across six different groups? Selfish bastards.) This wasn’t their first time presenting together. They always had this tag-team method, where everybody will speak and seamlessly hand over to the next person. They always got a hundred percent for teamwork. Assholes. I knew what I had to do was simple; destroy that seamless flow.
I was quite intelligent myself, my only problem was, I used my intelligence for evil. I spent all my time planning pranks, filming them and posting them on Instagram. So, this was not supposed to be difficult for me, this was my territory.
There were three easy go to options;
Get some laxative into their drink so they’d spend all day, tag-teaming the toilet.
Drop some sleeping pills into their drinks so they’ll be awesome on the bed.
Or the last option, which I eventually went; get them high!
This wasn’t difficult at all. I had a pizza guy, I had a guy who sold weed and I had a guy who could deliver the pizza for just 200 bucks.
I called my pizza guy, called my weed guy and got the pizza supercharged. I called my delivery guy and he dropped off the pizza to our little geniuses. Who was the tag-team champion now?
My delivery guy told them it was complimentary from the Pizza place. According to him, they were going over their presentation on the walkway, even he was impressed by what they had. Judas. He said they were so surprised and happy with the complimentary pizza they didn’t doubt him for one second. Very intelligent but could still be undone by food: the life of men.
Now, my plans were intact, I called my own group members to see if they had anything planned. They didn’t. So that was another carry over for sure. Well, at least I had a wonderful presentation to look forward to.
I got to the class before anybody, took a seat at the back with two bottles of coke and my own little box of pizza, with just a little weed. Enough to make things interesting but not enough to drive me crazy. A few minutes later, the class was full and it was time for Group A to present. Of course, Group A was reserved for the class geniuses. Getting off to a good start, that’s what the H.O.D. called it.
The H.O.D. called them forward and I sat up in my chair, this was going to be fantastic. They marched forward, looking slow and sorrowful. Was that their reaction to weed? Or was I so high I was seeing the opposite of what was happening?
“Good morning, the head of department, other distinguished lecturers present, my fellow students, ladies and gentlemen.” Eze, the tall one started.
That was way too coordinated for someone who was high. But he said gentlemen, I chuckled, that was so funny. Wait, no, it wasn’t. I pushed my pizza aside, I needed to focus.
“The title of our seminar is…”
“Stop.” The H.O.D. said.
What was this one’s problem now?
“There are six of you in the group?” The H.O.D. asked. “That’s amazing.”
What was amazing about six people in a group? Every group had six. Well, except mine, we had seven.
“Tell me something young men,” The H.O.D. said and stood up. “Did any of your watch Wrestlemania last night?”
What the hell?
The H.O.D. walked up to the boys in front.
“You boys are brilliant, so I need you to analyze something important for me.” The boys nodded, okay. “If I got in the ring with Undertaker, do you think I can beat him in two minutes?”
I shot to my feet. This was not right. I ran down the steps to the front.
“I mean, I have three PhDs.” The H.O.D. continued. “How hard can it be to beat somebody with all power and no brain?”
I got to the front of the class and looked on the H.O.D.’s table.
“Holy crap.” I exclaimed.
The H.O.D. had the marijuana Pizza.
If you were me, what would you do?
1. Drop out of school, become a professional prankster
2. Sit back, relax and enjoy the show? Hope you won’t get caught.
3. Go forward and present, your high H.O.D. might just give you an A.
Or do you have another option?