“You are gonna be having sex tonight.”
I looked behind at Dotun, I wanted to tell him to keep shut but yeah, he was right, I was going to have sex tonight. At least, that’s what they say you do on wedding nights. I smiled and returned my attention to the mirror. I’d never looked so good. If he would accept the challenge, I was sure I could give Leonardo DiCaprio a run for his money.
“What’s that stupid smile on your face?” Dotun asked.
He moved closer to me and put his hand around my shoulder.
“You are getting married, you didn’t win the lottery.” He said.
“I’m marrying Sharon, of course I won the lottery.”
He adjusted my tie and straightened my collar.
“Are you sure about this?” Dotun asked.
I looked at him. “Sure about what?”
“About getting married today.”
“What? You want me to wait till next week?” I smiled and pushed him out of my way.
“I’m serious.” He said. “Once you do this, there’s no going back.”
I looked at him and frowned. “Why are you asking me this now?”
“I would have asked at the bachelor’s party but no, you didn’t want one.”
“Okay Dotun, I’ll answer your question. Yes, I am sure about this. Am I scared? Sure. I’m about to change my life forever. But this is the best decision I’ve ever made, so yeah, I’m sure.”
“Okay then. Let’s get you married bro.”
He hugged me. I gave him a couple of pats on the back then pushed him away.
“You’re not even my best man.” I said. “I don’t know why you wanted to organize the bachelors’ party.”
“Because your best man is useless.”
“Hey, he is your elder brother’s friend.”
“Where is he by the way?”
The door burst open and Mayowa entered.
“Speak of the devil.” Dotun said.
I looked at Mayowa and gasped.
“Mayor, why aren’t you dressed yet?”
“I think we have a problem.” Mayowa said.
“Of course we do.” Dotun said and sighed.
“I can’t find the rings.”
“What?” I shouted. “Oh my God, Mayowa. I told you about this, I begged you.”
“I’ve looked all over my room, I can’t find it. Maybe I left it here.” He said.
“You didn’t leave it here because you didn’t bring it here.” I was starting to sweat. “What the hell Mayowa?”
“Wow, Ben said ‘hell’, you’ve made him very angry.” Dotun said.
“What do we do now?” Mayowa asked.
I couldn’t believe my ears. “What do we do? Seriously, what do we do? You had one job Mayor.”
“Shouting is not gonna help us here Ben. I misplaced the ring, I’m sorry but we have to find it.”
“We? We don’t have to do…”
“Calm down everybody.” Dotun said. He walked to Mayowa and pushed him towards the door. “Go and get dressed or you won’t make church on time.”
Mayowa left the room and Dotun walked back to me.
“See you sweating like somebody who just ran a marathon.” He said.
I looked in the mirror and shook my head.
“Well, it’s a good thing all eyes will be on my wife.”
Sharon almost Dara
“I don’t want all eyes on me.” I said, looking in the mirror.
“What?” Banke, my makeup artist could not believe what I’d just said.
“Yeah, why should all eyes be on me? What about Ben?”
“Ben is the groom.” She said.
She rolled my chair so I could sit facing her.
“This wedding, every wedding is about the bride. You are the only important person today. Maybe your mother too but that’s all. All eyes will be on you, so shut up and let me finish my job.”
I wanted to protest but I knew she was right. Ben was just a participant in this wedding. He was there for the vows and the exchange of the rings. At least that was what I was told at my bridal shower. I wished I could be the groom.
I looked at Kike, my best friend and chief bridesmaid as she diligently dressed up. I could tell something was on her mind but I knew Kike, she wouldn’t tell me even if I asked.
“I am done here.” Banke said.
She wheeled my chair to face the mirror. She did a good job, I looked beautiful; I was beautiful. Kike walked up behind me and looked at my reflection in the mirror.
“Wow, Ben has no idea what he’s getting.” Kike said.
“No, he doesn’t.” Banke said and left the room.
“I’m happy for you dear, you deserve all the attention you will get today.” Kike said.
She looked at me, puzzled. “Why? Why do you ask why?”
“Yeah, why do I deserve it?”
She shook her head. “Nope, I am not going to answer that question. You are the perfect bride, Ben or any guy will be lucky to have you as a wife. If you don’t know why you deserve this, then you need a therapist, not a fashion designer best friend.”
I smiled. I was used to people calling me perfect. It was not true of course but most of them will never get to know. Except for Ben.
“Do you know that since the day I started going out with Ben up until now, he never kissed me?” I said.
Kike’s eyes widened. “He never tried to? At all?”
She shrugged. “I shouldn’t be surprised really. Both of you have always been spirikoko. Even if it crossed his mind he would have taken one look at you and backed off immediately.”
“No, it was him. He told me from the beginning he wasn’t going to kiss me or sleep with me until we got married.”
“So tonight is going to be epic then.” She chuckled.
I looked away from her and stared at myself in the mirror. The night was going to be epic in truth but not in the way Kike thought at all.
Ben was in for a huge surprise.
“I hate surprises.” My queen said.
“You’ll love this one, I promise you.”
“I doubt it but just get here as fast as you can.”
“Okay, I’ll see you in a few hours.”
“Wait Mide, don’t get here as fast as you can, just get here, okay?”
“Alright babe, love you.”
I ended the call and turned up the music, I had a long drive ahead of me. I took a look at the box sitting on the passenger seat beside me and a shudder went down my spine, was I ready for this? Do I love my queen as much as I loved…?
I looked up and I stepped on the brake; a policeman had appeared on the road from nowhere. I wasn’t even out of Lagos yet. I pulled over to the side of the road. I had all my papers but I was driving a new car without plates, this could take some time.
I rolled my window down as the officer approached.
“Good morning officer.” I said when he got to my window.
“Please come down.” He didn’t even look at me.
“You want to see my papers?” I asked.
“Please come down sir.”
I grabbed the papers from the glove box anyway. I stepped out of the vehicle.
“Good morning.” I said again, flashing my awesome smile.
“Please, go and see the officer in that car.” He said, pointing to a squad car parked off the road.
I nodded and walked towards the car. This officer was as cold as death, it almost made me feel afraid.
“My brother, good morning o.” The officer in the car called out before I got to him.
Oh, so they were going to play good cop, bad cop with me?
“Good morning officer.” I responded.
“Congratulations on your new car o.” Officer Tijani – according to his tag, said.
“Oh, it’s not my own.” I didn’t have to say that but now that I had started, I’d better complete the story. “It is for my best friend. He is getting married today and he got this car as a present for his wife. I’m taking the car to Ilorin and I need to get there before the reception begins.”
“So it is double celebration.” Officer Tijani said.
“Okay then my brother. Don’t let me delay you.”
“Thank you.” I said and turned to walk away.
“Wait brother.” Officer Tijani called and I stopped. “Give us something to celebrate with na.”
I knew this was going to happen and I had a response ready.
“Officer, it is not my car, I’m just the driver.”
“So you won’t wash your friend’s car for us? And new wife too?”
“I’m sorry officer, I just didn’t prepare for washing.”
“Brother, stinginess is not good o. Don’t you want a blessing like this too? Don’t you want to buy a new Mercedes like this and marry chacha wife?”
I already had a Benz and I was in the process of getting a wife, it was part of the reason I needed to get to Ilorin before the reception started but it won’t be smart telling him any of these.
“Officer, maybe when I get my own, I will come and celebrate with you.”
“Okay.” Officer Tijani said. “You can go.”
I nodded and walked away from him. No lazy police officer was going to get a dime from me today. I got to the car and opened the door.
“Mister Man, who asked you to go?”
I stopped and looked behind me; officer scarecrow was there, his gun prominent in front of him.
“Officer Tijani said I could go.” I said.
“He didn’t tell me that.” What now? “Can I see your license and particulars please?”
I smiled, so it is like that? You pay if you don’t pay, alright. I handed him the papers.
“Have a seat please.” The officer said. “You are going to be here for a while.”
“You’ve not been here for a while.” Mom said. “And then you turn up one morning unannounced?”
“Are you happy to see me or not?” I asked.
She rolled her eyes and set the plates on the table. This was one of the advantages of coming home; food. Glorious food like I could never get from those crazy restaurants in Lagos. I looked up at my mother, I knew she missed me a lot and I did too sometimes but that was life, I was grown now, she had to deal with it.
“So how long are you here for?” She asked.
“I’m going back tomorrow morning.”
“What?” She could not hide her disappointment. “You know what, never mind. Why are you here anyway? It is obvious you didn’t come to see me.”
I smiled. “Come on mama, I came to see you. I miss you, don’t you miss me?”
“Felix, I always thought you’d do me better than he did.”
My smile disappeared. “Mom, don’t compare me with your husband. I am not him.”
“You are not him, you will never be him in Jesus’ name.”
“So why do you keep comparing me to him? I’ve been busy at work, I didn’t leave you for another woman.”
“I wish you did.” She said. “At least then I will have another person I can call family.”
I stood from my seat and moved over to hers. I pulled her up and hugged her.
“I’m sorry mom, I didn’t mean to snap.”
She patted me on the back, then gently pushed me away.
“Eat your breakfast.” She said and started to leave the table.
“Mom, you remember Benjamin Dara?”
She turned back. “I know him. You boys were friends back in secondary school. How come I never hear you talk about him anymore?”
“Well, he’s getting married today.”
“So that is why you came to town?”
“Mom, come on. You might even know the girl he’s marrying.”
“Sharon, she’s also from school.”
“Oh yeah, I remember. Didn’t you use to…”
“Do you want to come?”
“Me? With this short notice? Sorry, I can’t.”
“Can I take your car?”
“Why didn’t you bring your own?”
She picked the keys from the centre table and threw them to me.
“Why do you need a car anyway?”
Well, the answer was simple; it was easier to pick up girls at weddings when you had a car.
I took a sip of coffee, this wedding was going to be awesome.