I saw you today, it’s been a while and though I can’t sincerely say I missed you, my life has been beautiful; my job, my school, David proposed to me.
You came over today to tell me about your new shop, you seemed very excited about it, you said it was the best you have ever had, it was big, it had basic facilities, enough parking space and it was at a strategic location for your business. It was barely 30 minutes from where I live; “now I can get to check on my baby” were the words you said.
I looked into your beautiful eyes momma, they are smaller now, duller than I remember, where’s that light I used to see in them? Your smile is thinner too. I looked at your face and all I could see staring back at me were tired eyes, thin smiles and wrinkles of a thousand worries.
I stood up to get you a drink and fix you a meal because it was all too much for me to bear, but when I stared back at you sitting on my couch, your back was a little bent momma, you looked small and tired, all broke inside me momma! How did all these years pass and I wasn’t there?
“I took a loan” you said, “oh Sara, this will be big, I can feel it, it’ll be a new life for us, I’ll be able to take care of myself, have some savings and take care of you darling”
I cried after you left momma.
All those years I watched you fight for me, you were all I had and I loved you, I wanted to protect you from the world, from the likes of my father whom I never knew. Those nights I wept because I couldn’t protect you, I watched all those men come into your life only to leave. I wanted you to see yourself as the hero I saw. You didn’t, you broke each time they left, but u loved me still.
Time passed and all that love I felt turned to anger; I was angry with you for not being all that you could be, I was ashamed of you momma. I saw you as weak and I hated it, I wanted to run away.
I moved out when I went away to college, oh momma! So long has it been since I looked at you with love. I’m sorry that you still have to be starting over, I’m sorry I turned away momma, no one taught you to love yourself or that you deserve to be cared for.
I can’t get back those years momma, but if you let me, I’ll love you the right way, let me take care of you.
Let me love you this Valentine and ever after.