My names are Oluwafemi Michael Iranloye
And I’m a Garri addict
*this is the point where all you other addicts of some sort tell me I’m welcome to the group*
I see you all looking at me and waiting for some deep touching story about how I hit rock bottom and decided to give up my addiction.
You go ‘teh’ there well well
Well, my sponsor, @LordJosh told me that a good way to overcome an addiction was to write a letter to the object of such addiction, which in my own case, is Garri, (if only he knew that I just need him to sign the damn papers)
Well, here goes…
How are you? I would say it’s been a long time, but that would just be a lie!!! I want to say well-done to you
For all you’ve been doing in the lives of Nigerians since 1645
For readily availing yourself to be a knight in shining armour in those times when we were at the point of death
For always sending us to that Xanadu when we take you with Cold water, ‘Kulikuli’, ‘epa’, ‘debino’ or Coconut
For your selfless and humble humanitarian approach towards life…
When they refused to call you ‘Cassava flakes’, did you complain? NO! You rather continued to be all we expected of you, and much more. You stayed satisfied with the names Garri, Garrium and G2SO4.
For your speed in eradicating hunger and extreme depression in the lives of unemployed Nigerian youths, baba , we throw you three ‘gbosas’
As I stand here today, I pledge…
I pledge never to look down on you when money comes, as all these ingrates have been doing over the years (big Tuale for Obasanjo)
I pledge never to place the words ‘only’, ‘just’ or ‘common’ in front of ‘Garri’ in any statement
I pledge to always use a capital ‘G’ when spelling Garri, as refusal to do so is just obvious disrespect, and I pledge to always correct people when they make this fatal mistake
I speak on behalf of myself and all my fellow Garri addicts around the world that with our fists clenched and held up high, we pledge to be devoted to the cause and pass this culture on to the next generation.
Yours Forever Undoubtedly,
……………………………… the end ………………………………………
I just want to say that it’s been awesome reading through this blog… all the people that wrote earlier… you guys are really awesome and were worth every second. And ‘LordJosh the wicked writer’ as Damilola calls you, Up You. This is really cool.
Thank you for your time
I’m still PhemieMichael
And I’m most definitely still a Garri addict
PS: Today is Phemie’s birthday! If you like his articles, if you like any of my designs (he did em all), if you are good person 😁, please drop him a birthday wish.