FALLING AS I SEE IT #30DaysOfNovember

By Patience Lawal

I fell in love with a phrase;

That no matter the height, if these wings fail me,

I’d fall flying.

That mind-set confirmed that I had fallen so deep into pride and that even if I am banished from life, I’d stroll out gracefully walking on silken drapes and everything else that would be suitable for a triumphant exit.

And so the other day, at night, I sat under the moonlight and I saw a shooting star- and silently I made a wish… a wish that ended as a wish.

If you have ever wished upon a shooting star and it fell for someone else, only then would you understand all of this.

And then you wake up in the morning and your neighbour is washing his new car and he doesn’t even have parking space in his compound.

But you, you paid for that home with all you had and although you did not have a balance off the house to buy a car, in faith you wake up so early and standing on the lawn where the car should be, you mimic yourself washing that tear rubber Wrangler four wheel drive.

You woke up ready for the sermon with so much expectation that today will be unto you according to your faith. From your neighbours flat you can hear from his blasting speaker that he has plans to spend the entire day playing XBOX2 against himself.

And you stand in disbelief wondering how you dropped your mustard seed and wouldn’t it just connect with the loamy soil beneath your feet and germinate everything you have ever wished for?

Just when, did I drop this faith?

And you start searching nook and crannies and tiny spaces that big and little things could have fallen into.

But still, you do not find it.

And all of a sudden, your life becomes like the domino puzzle game- one thing falls, everything falls

Except that rather than falling together it’s all falling out of place

And some voice in your head manages to whisper something to you and you can’t even hear it.

You want to be the only person speaking, nothing else should speak to you… not even in whispers because there is no light at the end of the tunnel, you want to be the light coming out of the tunnel, you want to be the difference…

But you are busy falling apart and you are struggling to fall flying because destruction is not one of the suitable stories that explains your immortality.

And you can’t let the world watch you fall.

Because you don’t want naysayers stalking the ground you would land on.

In all of these, your heart was right

And this one time, God was God for you

And all the miracles you read about came to life.

And now you could hear what the voice was trying to whisper to you that all things works together for your redemption.

Perhaps you never got everything you wished for,

Your evenings were not quite the sweet red wine and dim scented candles you thought it would be

But the night came,

And in no time, the morning was here, and so were you.

But the scars on your wings remained to remind you that you once fought to choose a place between the other life and this present life, but you survived to be here, in this present life.

Today, falling as you see it- is not just standing up seven times.

Falling as you see it is this – will you let yourself fly or let yourself fall?

Because no matter the height, even if these wings fail me, I’d fall flying.

 

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