LOVE AS I SEE IT #30DaysOfNovember

By Adedoyin Kugbiyi

I’m sure you’re rolling your eyes at this “Love” topic… You know how I know this? Because no one seemed to take on Love, at least no one before me. When I was asked to do this, I was so sure the topic of love would have been taken. Then Boom!!!…The topic was in my plate and I was up and about the place jubilating, which lasted for a few seconds… Then I paused “wait a minute dude” I said to myself, as all the angles and  branches of this topic “Love” flooded my mind. My inadequacy overwhelmed me… Then I decided I’d say only what I know for sure… So here goes:

Love is Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah…..

There you have it! All I know!

Lol! Gotcha!

I’m just messing around.

So Love bah?…*Cracks Knuckles*….Clears throat.

See, in my short life so far, I’ve found that Love is about giving … No No No… Not just in romantic relationships, that’s not even in the basics of love (Love 101, if I may say). Let’s take it from the top; Love from God, first of all. God is Love, and according to Christianity, He created us, we screwed up and lost our place with Him, then he created a way to help us get back a relationship with Him through the law, He saw that it wasn’t good enough… yadah yadah yadah! He modified it and gave us a free access to His extravagant love. Amen somebody!!!

See, what I want to draw from this is simple… Love is about giving to someone of your time, your self and all other resources you have to make that person’s life better. But here is the trick, you need to get something back and you HAVE to decide within yourself if the subject of your attention is worth it! There is nothing wrong with the idea…. Yes, Some people will be screaming “Agape Love” loves all unconditionally! Yup! That’s right, but Agape love is God’s love not your love… Your love and my love is flawed. We can’t … And I repeat- CAN’T Love unconditionally! It’s not in us. We might be patient and understanding and try to be kind and forgiving all of the time, but we can’t be in a continuous, un-broken, Un-diluted space of perpetual love. Please lie to me that you’ve never felt something that isn’t love towards someone else; from Boko Haram to your neighborhood folk to that unbearable  relative, to an annoying sibling, to even your parents(Oh Lord give me strength!) , even your significant other. It doesn’t have to be hate, but it sure ain’t love. So anyone?… Anybody that has been in a place of unconditional lovey-dovey towards ALL men (and women)… Yeah, I didn’t think so.

You see, I’ll take it from the inside, ’cause if you are to show love at all to others, you need to show yourself some love first, because you can’t give what you don’t have. Ever thought of that? The good book says “Love thy neighbor as thy self”… You gotta have water in your well if it is ever to quench YOUR thirst, let alone anyone else’s. How many times do you look in the mirror and say to the person staring back at you “Hey You. I Love You” .Simple activity you’ve gotta try it!(Call it assignment if you will): look in the mirror today and every day and say to yourself “Adedoyin (Please don’t call my own name, that would be weird, call yours) I truly Love and Accept you Unconditionally, Now”. Say it as many times until you actually FEEL something inside your chest, that’s the part of your subconscious rendering it in that you are loved by the person that matters to you the most- You!. Second thing , which is super cool, is to write a love note to yourself. Not the creepy stalker kind love letter (Except if that’s what you’re into – you freak!), a letter telling yourself how much you appreciate yourself and whatever message you could use in your life right now. Trust me it works (Oprah did it , so who are you to think you are above self-love…Gerrarehia!). You can go back to your love note as often as you need it. Gives me the tingles sometimes. It will help you a lot!

When you love yourself enough, that self-love will overflow freely unto all who come in contact with you. Your glow! Your confidence, your smile, they’ll draw people to you! You become irresistible and unstoppable! Trust me, it’s absolutely true!

In romantic relationships, I need to say the principle is the same, but you need to determine if the person is worth it. Don’t jump into an abusive relationship and think your sacrificial giving will make things better… You might be sitting down on a Looooooong thing. Anyways, find someone who is worth it, someone with whom you share attraction, basic values and visions! Then dedicate yourselves to each other! No one way traffic please! It’s gotta be both ways! If not the love will be painful and pointless and will become something terrible (it will fade at best) – might even hinder your ability to live life to the fullest potential. Too much to be said but so little time! So I move on.

In family relationship, well, they’re worth it whether you like it or not, except if they are so toxic that are bad for your health… literally. Then move out as soon as possible-throw them some of your love from a distance. The best you can give your family is to be the best of yourself around them. No, don’t you dare pretend, this is family, they’re the ones that get to experience the worst of you(before you get married), they should not be deprived of the best of you as well. I’ve found that if you can be your best at home (No pretense O) you can be the best anywhere!

In business, you will be frustrated if you don’t love what you do, and you won’t go far if you don’t love your customers! It’s all about them; from entertainment to technology to services to science to … Whatever! It’s all about them not you. See, when your end focus is you, it might seem easier, and quicker and boost your ego but ultimately, it brings frustration and failure and a lot of pain, but when you focus on others and contributing value, you will experience fulfilment and you become wealthy because people will gladly pay you for serving them thoughtfully!

The thing about Love, especially in relationships, is that it really is about the other person, NOT YOU at the end of the day. When it’s about you, then it’s gonna hurt like hell all the time! Shift the focus from you and the ride gets a whole lot smoother! It takes training, discipline, conscious effort, patience and GRACE! That’s why YOU gotta Love up on YOU so you can give of yourself and that’s why you need to make sure those you choose to Love are worth it and are willing to pour some Love into your life back; in form of appreciation, attention, praise, sacrifice …. Love is a huge deal! You can’t “finish” talking about Love, as you can’t finish taking about God! Trust me, it’s true.

And that’s Love as I see it!

PS: I’m usually more hilarious than this, I must be getting old O!

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