By Tomi Adesina
What is new about life that surges with expectancy? Is it the wont to experience the same chaotic regime of waking up to Lagos city traffic with my bag strapped across my chest as I make for a bus to take me to the other side to make up for my dreams? Or is it in the hope that maybe today I will have written at least a hundred words of my new manuscript before I hit my bed to sleep? Or is it in the thought that maybe today will be different? Yes. I think that’s it.
I am at the window seat in the bus this morning and looking out the window, all I see is a rush. A rush to get somewhere…the rush to get something. The rush I am on…the rush you are on. And then I stop and absorb the moment. I see the man in suit brushing against people as he hurries to catch up with a bus. I see the boy who cleans out the dirt stuck on his skateboard. I see the man in a corner with a cigarette in his mouth. I see me. The one who sees it all and wants to write about it.
I have always wanted something. And I guess that’s what life is all about. The Want. But then, what do we really need? I stare at my phone and see the six missed calls from George. I swipe across my phone and look through the missed events on my calendar. Mom’s sixtieth birthday. Derin’s wedding. I exhale. But I don’t have the time. I am busy. I need to finish my Novel. I need to shoot a film. I need to make something good out of my life. When I have made good of my life, I will have time for everyone. I tell myself. It is what it is, right?
Time flies. I am the same girl I used to be. Busy. Ambitious. Hardworking. But there’s now a huge addition to that girl. Successful. I really did make it. I smile faintly as I stare at my stack of published Novels and the awards I have garnered in the last fifteen years. “Hope we all are having a good day! I am!” I tweet this on my account and drop my phone. No sooner had I dropped my phone than it started to buzz violently. Yeah, tonnes of Retweets and Replies. That’s what you get for being a celebrity. The life I wanted.
I walk over to my giant window and look into the city. It’s a good view from up here. I see everything from here. I see the life I ran away from. I turn back into the room and stare at the life I have now. I really am not having a good day. I am bored and I need to talk to someone. But then, I got caught up in the moment…and George is married. Mom is gone. I exhale and think about the things I have and the things I really did need that I did not get – Love. Family. Friends.
My new book should talk about the new me – Sad. Lonely. Lost…or maybe I will just write another hit.